Gwenneth Ann Briscoe in Arnprior, Canada enjoying a moment with friends flexing her muscles, ready to take on the world and whatever comes her way. So true!
Introduction …
Dementia alters the mind. Loss of memory. Language. Problem-solving. An obstacle of irrational thought interfering with daily life.
As someone becomes absorbed in this muck they begin to sink, often slowly into confusion and frustration. The signs of dementia result when nerve cells in the brain stop working bit by bit. This creates a mental disconnect like a frayed electric cord trying to send a message to a toaster. Everyone experiences this as they grow older, but those with dementia experience more rapid ,extreme loss and confusion in this fast paced world.
Initially, self-awareness becomes one’s nemesis. Aware they can’t remember the name of their spouse. Aware they feel very uncomfortable answering the phone fearing they will not be able to track the discussion. Aware they are retreating from people and places that were once a comfort. Aware they don’t recall how to get home when driving a common route.
Dementia will draw a person further from their common life, friends, and family. What was normal is now abnormal in social norms. Life’s script is flipped. Instead of living in the direction of an older aged person’s trajectory one’s mind recesses to a youthful time. There is a reckoning that must take place within the mind, trying to make sense of onset anxiety, panic, and fear boiling from within, isolation being the ultimate challenger.
This is true of Gwen Sullivan. My mom. She began to relive thoughts as a young child expecting to visit her mother and father, who had died over fifty years ago. She referred to things being upstairs (in the room she lived as a child in her parents’ home). Yet, she now lived in a single-story home. I recognized that mom was going through a frightening change in her thoughts, physical body, and a terrifying emotional roller coaster. How family, neighbors, and friends interacted with her would either create more confusion and insecurity or relief and calm.
I am Danny Teevens my mom’s middle child. My brother, Perry, is older. My sister, Cheryl, is the younger. I recognized the complexity and sadness of this debilitation. But, after listening to a podcast early one morning when walking my Labradoodle, I was pleasantly surprised. As I recall, I cued up ‘The Rubin Report’ podcast.
Dave Rubin opened the segment with a piece about President Joe Biden’s mental frailty. Dave is a conservative, formerly a democrat and gay with a husband. Many would think he would begin to mock our president trying to embarrass him, but he did not. I appreciated his perspective. What struck me was the personal note he prefaced about his grandmother. Context was important so his listeners would not misunderstand his intentions.
He related that he has a heart for older people who have cognitive decline. He remembered his grandmother who he helped care for during a three-year swing. He said these were probably the three best years of her life because during this season of life her problems and worries of this world faded away. She lived with a renewed freedom without the many earthly burdens.
This became true as I observed mom. It was a piece of the puzzle that fit very well, a positive peek into the world mom was entering. A revisiting of her past. So, this is how I chose to open her 84-year-old story. I chose to first give the reader a bit about my mother before dementia got a hold of her, a bit about my father before his demise, and a bit about my self-proclaimed ‘Ebenezer Scrooge’ stepfather. Then, the rest of the story is mom’s life as dementia unfolded within her shared with some precious, dear friends and family.
Next week I will open with ‘A Bit About Mom Before Dementia’, starting with her growing up in Arnprior, Canada during the 1930’s-50’s and reaching back to a Dust Bowl era that her parents endured giving them a backbone of steel and diamonds.
Take care, my friend.👍
